Maxims, aphorisms: true and false

We base much of our lives on scraps of wisdom known as maxims or aphorisms. Some of them have value; many are nonsense, and should be disregarded.

Today, let’s examine some of these pithy sayings.

“This, too, will pass.” That’s known as the kidney stone philosophy. It has some truth to it, in that most events – both good and bad – ultimately fade away. But not always. Ask anyone who has lost a child, or who has contracted AIDS.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” W.C. Fields gave that advice, and I’ve followed it all my life.

Another of his utterances that I heeded for many years: “You can judge a man by what he believes. And I believe I’ll have another drink.”

“When one door closes, another will open.” That saying has sustained millions of people who have met misfortune. It occurs to me, however, that during an economic slump there seems to be fewer doors opening than there are in boom times.

“You’re only as sick as your secrets.” That little piece of rubbish is peddled by amateur therapists who want to peer into every cranny of a troubled person’s mind. Truth is, our secrets are what form much of our character. Without them, we risk turning into human ciphers.

“No pain, no gain.” I’m told such advice is valid for body-builders, who must tear down muscle tissue to allow it to rebuild into even a larger mass. And that hurts. But I don’t think pain or great stress is an automatic prerequisite for all other forms of improvement. Think of being taught how to dance, by an attractive partner. Any pain there?

“Use it or lose it.” What a load. Dear Abby often used that in her advice columns, trying to encourage people to resume romantic relationships after a bust-up. She implied that your erotic apparatus will fall off or dry up unless it’s kept on the firing line. Abby was wrong. Anyone who’s had to undergo celibacy for a time can testify that when the good times resume, the equipment is ready and waiting. And there’s seldom any rust on it.

“Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” – Helen Keller.

“If you ain’t busy living, you’re busy dying.”– Bob Dylan.

These examples of all-or-nothing philosophy ignore the fact that most people go along quite well at 30 to 50 mph. We don’t have to be busting a monumental gut or striving for the Olympics in order to enjoy life and find it meaningful. For every person who’d choose daring adventure, ten would opt for solid, predictable comfort.

“The measure of a man is what he does with power.” Quite true. Or how he treats waitresses.

“That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” The German nut job Nietzsche foisted that blob of horse puckey on the waiting world, and it has been gobbled up by millions. Except for people who were maimed while serving in Vietnam and Mideast wars, or survived Hiroshima and Nagasaki, or went through a few years of chemotherapy. Folks like that may not be dead, but they’re seldom stronger.

“Cynicism isn’t smarter, it’s only safer.” Marvelous. Right on target.

“Don’t look back. Someone may be gaining on you.” Pitcher Satchel Paige said that. Few ball players ever gained on him, however.

“There is time for everything.” So said Thomas Alva Edison, who was never a mother with six small children squalling for her attention.

“You got to have a dream. If you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?” Bloody Mary sang that lovely line from a great song in a superb musical, “South Pacific.” Words to live by, through thick and thin.

“Cheaters never prosper.” Hedge fund managers and mortgage brokers throughout the land double over with laughter each time someone breaks out that idealistic adage. The sad truth is that cheaters often have a leg up on all other contestants.

“Never say more than is necessary.” British playwright Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816) is the source of that quotation, which has been ignored by politicians, columnists and almost everyone else you can name, ever since.

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will.” A great deal of wisdom in that statement, but it can drive you crazy if you review some of the stupid moves you’ve freely made, especially after four martinis and Charlene’s fingers caressing your cheek.

Crestwood officials indicted in tainted drinking water scandal

For nearly two decades, the former mayor of Crestwood, who ruled the village of 11,000 with an iron fist, hid from regulators and residents the fact that they were drinking contaminated water, federal authorities said Thursday, announcing indictments against two former water department officials.

But Chester Stranczek, whose attorney confirms he’s the “Public Official A” mentioned in the 23-count indictment, has not been charged — and likely will not ­— face criminal charges, his attorney said, because Parkinson’s disease dementia has left him unfit to stand trial.

Facing felony charges are Frank Scaccia, 59, Crestwood’s former certified water operator, and Theresa Neubauer, 53, former water department clerk and supervisor and currently Crestwood’s police chief. Both are accused of lying to environmental regulators for more than 20 years about using a tainted well to supplement the village’s drinking water supply from Lake Michigan, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald announced in a press release.

The village told residents and the Illinois Environmental Protection Agency it was only using Lake Michigan water after 1985, when it discovered a village well had been tainted by vinyl chloride, a known carcinogen. But regulators later discovered the village continued to use the well for as much as 20 percent of its water from 1985 to 2007.

The indictment alleges Scaccia and Neubauer acted with unnamed “Public Official A,” an elected Crestwood government official who had authority over the village’s water system, including the use of the well water. Between roughly 1999 and 2007, “Public Official A” signed regulatory documents on behalf of the village.

“Public Official A” is the elder Stranczek, too sick to stand trial, said Chris Gair, who’s been representing Stranczek in some 200 lawsuits filed over the tainted well scandal.

“I feel confident (prosecutors) are not going to come after him because they are aware that his disease has rendered him unfit to stand trial,” Gair said. “He’s no more able to participate in (the lawsuits) than he would in a criminal case. He does not have the mental capacity anymore to do so.”

Stranczek’s son, current Crestwood Mayor Robert Stranczek, could not be reached for comment Thursday afternoon. Employees at the village hall and police department said he and Neubauer were on “planned vacations.”

Neubauer’s attorney, Thomas Breen, said she learned of the charges while camping with her children.

“All of the counts have to do with her when she had a clerical position when she assisted in filing out forms with information given to her by the water department and management,” he said. “The evidence is going to show she had a clerical job filing out forms.”

Neubauer has been placed on administrative leave “pending further review,” according a village statement.

Scaccia’s attorney did not return messages seeking comment. He was fired in March 2010, the village statement said.

“The government’s investigation ­— resulting in only these false statements charges — confirms that there is not now and never has been any concern with the safety or quality of the drinking water in Crestwood and the health of our citizens has never been compromised or threatened,” the statement read. “Our citizens’ well-being has always been and will always continue to be our top priority.”

An arm of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency determined there is no safe level of exposure to vinyl chloride, which also can cause damage to the liver and nervous system.

Dozens of lawsuits have been filed against the village over the use of the well water, including one by the Illinois attorney general’s office. Crestwood has footed the multi-million-dollar bill for various defense attorneys.

In December, the village settled one of those suits, which covered water bills paid by current and former residents and village business owners. The settlement established a $500,000 fund to give residents partial refunds on their water bills from January 1985 to September 2007 — the years the village was found to have tapped the contaminated well. The village also agreed to a two-year freeze on the cost of vehicle stickers, business licenses and garbage collection fees, among other conditions.

Other lawsuits alleging wrongful death and personal injury still are pending.

Current and former Crestwood residents Thursday said they were outraged and vindicated. Many spoke of their terrible health problems: kidney problems, tumors, immune system disorders and many types of cancer.