Maxims, aphorisms: true and false

We base much of our lives on scraps of wisdom known as maxims or aphorisms. Some of them have value; many are nonsense, and should be disregarded.

Today, let’s examine some of these pithy sayings.

“This, too, will pass.” That’s known as the kidney stone philosophy. It has some truth to it, in that most events – both good and bad – ultimately fade away. But not always. Ask anyone who has lost a child, or who has contracted AIDS.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” W.C. Fields gave that advice, and I’ve followed it all my life.

Another of his utterances that I heeded for many years: “You can judge a man by what he believes. And I believe I’ll have another drink.”

“When one door closes, another will open.” That saying has sustained millions of people who have met misfortune. It occurs to me, however, that during an economic slump there seems to be fewer doors opening than there are in boom times.

“You’re only as sick as your secrets.” That little piece of rubbish is peddled by amateur therapists who want to peer into every cranny of a troubled person’s mind. Truth is, our secrets are what form much of our character. Without them, we risk turning into human ciphers.

“No pain, no gain.” I’m told such advice is valid for body-builders, who must tear down muscle tissue to allow it to rebuild into even a larger mass. And that hurts. But I don’t think pain or great stress is an automatic prerequisite for all other forms of improvement. Think of being taught how to dance, by an attractive partner. Any pain there?

“Use it or lose it.” What a load. Dear Abby often used that in her advice columns, trying to encourage people to resume romantic relationships after a bust-up. She implied that your erotic apparatus will fall off or dry up unless it’s kept on the firing line. Abby was wrong. Anyone who’s had to undergo celibacy for a time can testify that when the good times resume, the equipment is ready and waiting. And there’s seldom any rust on it.

“Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” – Helen Keller.

“If you ain’t busy living, you’re busy dying.”– Bob Dylan.

These examples of all-or-nothing philosophy ignore the fact that most people go along quite well at 30 to 50 mph. We don’t have to be busting a monumental gut or striving for the Olympics in order to enjoy life and find it meaningful. For every person who’d choose daring adventure, ten would opt for solid, predictable comfort.

“The measure of a man is what he does with power.” Quite true. Or how he treats waitresses.

“That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” The German nut job Nietzsche foisted that blob of horse puckey on the waiting world, and it has been gobbled up by millions. Except for people who were maimed while serving in Vietnam and Mideast wars, or survived Hiroshima and Nagasaki, or went through a few years of chemotherapy. Folks like that may not be dead, but they’re seldom stronger.

“Cynicism isn’t smarter, it’s only safer.” Marvelous. Right on target.

“Don’t look back. Someone may be gaining on you.” Pitcher Satchel Paige said that. Few ball players ever gained on him, however.

“There is time for everything.” So said Thomas Alva Edison, who was never a mother with six small children squalling for her attention.

“You got to have a dream. If you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?” Bloody Mary sang that lovely line from a great song in a superb musical, “South Pacific.” Words to live by, through thick and thin.

“Cheaters never prosper.” Hedge fund managers and mortgage brokers throughout the land double over with laughter each time someone breaks out that idealistic adage. The sad truth is that cheaters often have a leg up on all other contestants.

“Never say more than is necessary.” British playwright Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751-1816) is the source of that quotation, which has been ignored by politicians, columnists and almost everyone else you can name, ever since.

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will.” A great deal of wisdom in that statement, but it can drive you crazy if you review some of the stupid moves you’ve freely made, especially after four martinis and Charlene’s fingers caressing your cheek.